I'm PH from <insert school here>. Soon to be registered psychometrician. And also, im diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and general anxiety disorder. I have daily doses of nexito 10, xanor and rivotril. I'm drugged 24 hours. (Also, i have a friend living here at home diagnosed with major depressive disorder who is suicidal and an aunt here diagnosed
With OCD. ) yey, for a mini mental facility.
It's embarrassing to say the least. May mga taong masakit ang comment.
Galing sa isang secretary ng isang known psychiatrist "psych ka tapos nagkakadepression ka? HAHAHA" oo, tinawan ako.
Galing sa isang review center member "are you sure you're going to take the exam?
You're not going to pass while sick, you might as well not take it." May side comment pa na disturbing daw face ko
Sa mama ng friend ko na nakatira dito na sinabihan nya anak nya about me 'nagkakasakit cxa tapos nagpapadoctor pa?! Magastos lang. Psych major pa naman she should know what to do! She should listen to her lessons'
All that time while the exam was ongoing, i was a mess during the review. Countless night terrors, crying spells, tantrums, medications, therapies, nightly dreams of mutilation and death of family members. Which became more vivid because of rivotril. I overdosed countless times (hindi tumalab) and always wished i wouldn't wake up.
The exam became my coping mechanism. It gave me purpose. After passing, im not going to lie and say im ecstatic. I felt so down because my friends did not make it. And i did not reach my desired grade.. (I have perfectionist traits kaya lumala to anxiety)
I felt empty after the exam. So empty. And then i realized, im blessed. Blessed to be sick. How can i become a successful doctor/psychologist if i did not have a first hand experience of being sick?
The stigma is drowning and embarassing. I felt useless. I felt overwhelming emotional pain. But im thankful, i became more dedicated to serve my people because i finally knew how to feels like to be stigmatized, labelled na sira ulo and tortured with unending selfish comments. Guys, psychometricians na tayu. Let's help people like me. I'm one of the lucky ones to be sick, given the chance to understand my soon-to-be patients more.
Help people like me. my family is away. My aunt and friend is the one taking care of me.
Help people like me who needs family support, love, countless reassurance, understanding and patience.
Society may not accept us deep down, but
It hurts more that we can't accept ourselves.
Say No to stigma, lets love our patients. Lets not do it for the money earned. Lets do it for the love of our profession. and i hope i got my message across despite my jumbled thoughts.
Thank you!
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